three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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