It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
