I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
