THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
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