I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
