TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
