Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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