You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We are two peas in an std pod
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
