For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
