nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
