Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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