life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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