if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
