i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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