If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
