Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The best revenge is premature balding
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
