i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
