The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
