didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
