eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
