its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
