So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
