When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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