New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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