I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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