conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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