I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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