how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you had me at cake vodka
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
