it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
