Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
