is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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