i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
