Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
