he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
