I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize