This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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