Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
