I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
