just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
