He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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