i jhust puked up my retainher.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
