Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize