Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize