apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
