I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
how drunk are you?
Several
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
