see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
