K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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