I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize