You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
