Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
