I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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