Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
