We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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