I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
