these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
