you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
