I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize