He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
