i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
