There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
