I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
