Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
