just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think your dad took our porno
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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