I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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