Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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