To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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