dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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