It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
