Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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