He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize