How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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